Impaired or troubled communication is definitely one of the most common reasons couples end up in a therapist’s office.
Good communication is like glue. It plays a large part keeping relationships intact and holding strong. On the other hand, poor communication leads to conflict, often acting as a solvent to cause relationships to separate or dissolve.
The happiest couples are the ones who are emotionally open and not afraid of being vulnerable with each other. It’s not always easy to talk about sensitive subjects that elicit fears and insecurities. With rejection or criticism expected or looming, certain important topics can go unspoken for years or become communicated in indirect, obtuse ways.
Couples without good communication can become disengaged and will often seek out “safe people” for discussing their concerns, rather than their partner. Or, they might opt to keep feelings bottled inside while needs remain unmet. Depression and other negative emotional states can easily take over.
The following are seven mistakes individuals often make when communicating with their significant other:
- Not listening to what the other is saying
- Formulating a response too quickly without getting sufficient information
- Using words or phrases that the other does not understand
- Displaying inappropriate vocal gestures, such as tone, pitch and facial expression
- Unfriendly body language (arms folded over chest)
- Poor timing for a serious discussion
- Failure to ensure the other person understands your message
Now, here’s how to overcome communication mistakes:
- Clearly state your point or opinion.
- Deliver your message in a loving manner.
- Be open to answering questions.
- Choose an appropriate time to dialogue.
- Use common words and phrases your partner understands or explain your meaning clearly.
- Show open body language.
- Allow your partner time to respond; wait patiently for an answer.
Being aware of impaired communication is the first step to better communication. When you find you’re in the throes of communicating badly, such as a screaming match with your partner, ask for help from him or her, or take a time-out rather than say things that might later cause more conflict or hurt feelings. Your words are like an e-mail – once you hit the send button, it is done.
About Barbara Peters
Licensed Relationship Counselor, Author of 3 books, Helping couples re-discover the love & fulfillment in their marriage/relationship. http://BarbaraJPeters.com
What a great article Barbara and so true. The tone of your voice and body language can turn a conversation into a nasty spat. I also agree that timing is everything! Great advice as always Barbara.
Great advice, Barbara! Your examples of 7 mistakes and how to overcome them are excellent! “Be open to answer questions” is my favorite! Thank you.
I couldn’t agree more! Communication is the #1 skill to all successful relationships and most people are unaware that this a learned skill…so important to take the time to learn (and then pass on to your children!) the skills to healthy communication! Thanks!
Thank you Denny. Our walk through life will be so much more meanignful if we can express our needs and hear anothers.
Excellent communication tips! I will be sharing your wisdom 🙂
this is so true. Communication is a huge key to make a relationship last! Thank you for sharing this article.
Loved this article Barbara!! It is soooo important to communicate with your loved ones..how else will you be able to express your thoughts and emotions? Thank you for sharing your wisdom..
These are great tips! Thank you for sharing!
Barbara’s tips are excellent. She drew me in immediately and throughout. Communication is like glue for sure. It will either stick or it won’t. Old glue doesn’t stick well always if it is dried out. Thanks Elizabeth for sharing Barbara’s wisdom withe me today.
Yes, words can be like a dagger. It can kill relationships.
What a great reminder of the importance of having open communication with not only our loved ones but anyone we are trying to build relationships with whether personally or in business. Thanks for sharing!
Excellent article! I definitely agree.. Communication is essential for understanding one another. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing this article by Barbara. You’re AWESOME =)
Simple, effective communications tips! Great article for sure!