Five Reasons to Stay in A Relationship (And Five Reasons to Leave)
It’s difficult to decide to leave a relationship. So many factors get in the way of making a decision, and many of those aspects may not even be about your bond. For instance, there are financial matters, possible medical/psychological complications, children to consider, and the prospect of being alone.
While there are valid reasons for some to leave, what causes others to stay? Many default to the vows they made committing to “till death do us part.” But what about feelings of love? It’s probably the most important one for most people. We’ve all heard that love conquers all, but some situations are just too damaged or broken to repair.
Reasons to stay vary and are unique to each relationship.
Here are just a few that seem to be worth considering.
- Does this person treat you well and respect you? Is he or she considerate of your needs even if they are relatively different from their own? Does he or she respect your interests and support those that matter most to you?
- Does this person interact with other family members and friends in a positive manner? If you have kids, is he or she willing to accept your children, treat them kindly, and focus on their strengths?
- Does this person allow you to be yourself and encourage your uniqueness? Does he or she embrace you and your past without judgment? Does your partner look at your union as a benefit and enhancement to their life?
- Does this person add humor to your life? Laughter is one of the keys to happiness and health. Many of us believe that the hurdles of life are best tackled with laughter and positive thinking.
- Most of all, do you love your partner? Do you feel he or she adds to your life? Does thinking of this person fill your heart with joy? Is it hard to picture your life without them?
If leaving seems like your best option here are five things to consider when making your mental list.
- Have you lost the love? Describing love is difficult because it means different things to different people. But we all know what it feels like when infatuation wears off and there is nothing but feelings of disappointment and bitterness. A physical component of a relationship is important. Connection through emotions is wonderful but not enough. Has the physical intimacy and physical attraction worn thin, and you no longer wish to spoon at night or hold hands at the movies? Have you started to focus on his or her faults instead of assets?
- Do you feel controlled? Being controlled creates feelings of resentment and low self-esteem. Is your partner directing your life, making you feel crushed or suffocated? Do you feel robbed of who you are and find yourself trying to become the person your spouse wants you to be?
- Are you lonely most of the time, due to a lack of meaningful interaction? Are you unable to speak freely about your feelings, needs, and wishes? Are you living with an alcoholic or abusive spouse in an enabler role, hoping one day for a cure? Do you feel heard and supported? Emotional connection is a very important area of compatibility. Perhaps you feel you only have a superficial connection to this person who should be more important to you.
- Is your partner unable to accept your children, family members, and friends? Do you get the idea that your spouse believes that your family is irrelevant by avoiding or refusing to spend time with them? A partner who is detached from your family and extended social network is not attempting to be fully involved in your life. We all need to maintain ties to people outside of our primary relationship with our mate, spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend.
- Are you unable to resolve your differences? Is your spouse unable to see their part in a problem or unwilling to seek outside help to resolve conflicts? Are you afraid to mention things that have upset, scared you, or left you feeling angry? Has the relationship become dangerous or abusive?
These two lists are just some basic ideas for you to consider and require more in-depth consideration. A relationship takes both of you to succeed and a good one is worth saving. Deciding to stay or leave is a big decision. But you must look out for number one (and that’s you!). Staying for reasons that inhibit your happiness are always your choice. Often, religious beliefs, concepts of honor, or a sense of duty can override the desire to leave.
Whatever choice you make, make it the right one. Make a list of reasons to go and stay. Talk to friends or a professional and weigh your options carefully. Remember you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Give yourself the best 1440 minutes each day. You deserve no less.
What considerations did you make to stay or leave a relationship? Others could benefit from your experiences. Share them with us in the comments.