Kamala Harris and the Power of Blended Families: A Model for Modern Co-Parenting

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The recent 2024 convention of the Democratic Party put a big spotlight on blended families. What did you think when you saw that? That affirmation was amazing, considering that some political rivals say that co-parenting one’s nonbiological children counts for nothing. But blended families are indeed possible and in fact common in our country. America is a country that believes in second chances. Without a doubt (political rivals’ opinions notwithstanding), presidential hopeful Kamala Harris is an active co-parent of two children in a blended family with her husband, Doug Emhoff, and his ex-wife.

Doug’s first wife was Kerstin Emhoff. They had their son, Cole, in 1994, and had their daughter, Ella, in 1999. After Kerstin and Doug divorced in 2010, Doug married Kamala Harris in 2014. Kamala has developed a strong bond with both of her stepchildren, who call her Momala. The two moms are supportive of Cole and Ella, as well as back each other up.

There’s been a criticism lodged against Kamala Harris, that she’s childless. The complaint was based on the idea that only those who have had their own biological children can feel a citizen’s responsibility to the future.

Those of you who are stepmoms and stepdads can understand the foolishness of this idea. Probably your understanding is visceral. Kamala, for example, has been co-parenting with Kerstin and Doug since the kids were teens. In the New York Times, Kerstin was quoted as saying that as a stepmom, Kamala was loving, nurturing, fiercely protective, and always present. Kerstin said to CNN news, “I love our blended family and am grateful to have her in it.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  blended family Mother, father and 3 small children seated in a field of orange flowers
What a wonderful come-back to those rivals suggesting that only biological parents can parent. Kamala isn’t just some off-the-shelf, knock-off mom. She’s the real thing, and she has parented teens. As many of you know, that’s a tough time-slot to simply drop into. They’re older now, but you’re always a co-parent, no matter how old they get.

Recently I read an essay by Chloé Caldwell for MSNBC. Caldwell had the sense that some people saw her role as a stepmom as “lesser” (not really parenting). She felt behind the eight ball, not quite able to catch up in their eyes to being a parent. Looking for a role model, she searched online for support. Numerous online writers also had felt the same–what Caldwell termed accurately as disenfranchised grief. It is as if she was constantly trying to pass an impossible test. What can you do that finally makes you a parent? She says she had been called a childless stepmom, which she wryly noted was “an absurd oxymoron.”

She was heartened at a 2020 article about families for the Atlantic by Yale professor David Brooks. He offered that when a family system stops working, people look for something else. Certainly kin can mean biological family, but Brooks said that for much of history, kin relationships have been made. Even today, I have noticed that Native Americans often have an expanded view of who “parented” them.

Caldwell wrote about how happy she was that Ella, Kamala’s stepdaughter, made it clear that she considered her family a role model. Ella had told a Times reporter, “It’s not weird to be friends or have a good relationship with your ex. It’s actually very healthy.”

In my book Blended Families, there’s a focus on survival strategies for parents. It’s tough to take on the challenge of parenting at all, let alone all the additional adults and households that come with a blended second marriage. The book is a guide to keeping your relationship intact while you guys steer the ship. Remember that Kerstin Emhoff remarked that Kamala Harris was nurturing. When all co-parents work together, the kids win. 

This year, we have a stepfamily in the news, showing what many of you are already doing well. May all step-parents find hope and encouragement in their journey together.

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